Trying to understand

I am torn and not torn

I hurt and bleed

My blood runs hot and cold

I am strong and sure

I am tough

Inside is mush

I see only black and white

Grey is like a cloud

It obscures my world

I need to see my world

 

I choose to hear

What I hear

Is it what people

say that I fear?

I choose to see

What I see

Is it what people

show to me?

I choose to feel

What I feel

Is it what people

hope will yield?

 

I am free and not free

I was cut and bled

My blood is stilled and cool

I am weak and unsure

I am gentle beneath

Inside is strength

I see only grey

Grey is like a cloud

The cloud is my world and

my world is everyone’s world

Why hold back?

We had hardly met I know

But everything about you

Made me smile inside

It was a blissful week

Dear friends, the weather

The location so fitting

To explore new beginnings

We both felt a connection

A gentleness and ease

Relaxing and kind

Understanding, stimulating

We were not ready

We were so new

And after our week

We were to be so far apart

 

We were “the blind date!”

All friends in couples

Eyes for each other

Eyes on us together

Expectations and then

Trips and walking

Sitting and talking

So much a stake

And little said

So little space to be apart

A lighthouse and boat

A warm jacket shared

 

Such delicate feelings

Hatched in so short a time

Such a strong impression

Such intelligence

Such grounded beauty

What a smile

And eyes that laughed

Were the eyes for me?

A sparkling, an inkling

of more to come.

 

The final evening

And everyone else

Had gone to bed

Apart at last

We talked some more

I enjoyed being close and alone

stroking your hair

We had only just met

We were going to depart

A tantilising moment

Heart fed but head led

Possibilities not realized

it was all abit too fast.

A beautiful blush

A secret shared from afar

Feelings declared

something stirs within

 

Defined in a moment

Felt so strongly then

Unexplored until now

 

Memories rekindled

A delicate reaction.

Blood fills the cheeks

 

An outward showing

An unconscious response

A thought, a feeling

 

A mention of lips and skin

Coy, caught by surprise

A blush, a beautiful blush.

Phoenix arises

Stroking your hair across time and space
Curling, falling around your shoulders
I did not want to breathe my heart racing
not wanting to break the spell.

I can remember the evening so long ago like last night
The sighs, the feelings, the anticipation in the room
desiring so much - such beauty beneath my finger tips
A moment suspended in time - caught in amber.

A renewed contact, a surprise, an invite before it is too late…
A warm feeling awoke the embers within
fanned so easily into flames.
I can feel your hair again and I touch you in my mind.

The time to tell you the truth has come
The time lost should be lost no more
To explore the feelings to hold you tight
to gently explore the divine.

I wanted to break the spell, to melt the amber
I wanted more than to stroke your hair
I wanted to kiss your lips - to feel your skin
to smile and to say, “In this moment I love you”.

We wait and see

WE wait..

YOU wait

I wait……

 

We both wait to see

We both wait you see

We wait

 

Who goes first?

Who crosses the line?

Who says this is how I feel?

 

Why wait?

What if you wait ?

When you wait what then?

 

Heavy weight emotions

Light weight actions

A very long wait

 

I wait……

YOU wait

WE wait..

At last….

That gentle caress that lingering touch

You fingers caress and tease my lips

Mouth and tongue opening wanting more

you brush aside my hair

And stroke the lids of my eyes…

 

Eyes closed and inside my head

I see you naked lying by my side

Lingering, holding me, stroking me

Our bodies touch at last

This moment imagined …

 

Imagined a thousand times over

Abandonment but without expectation

The line imagined and without form

How could we have been so close?

How could we have been so close so long…

 

So long we have met and danced that dance

We have talked of love and life

We have hurt and churned

Each in our turn listening, supporting

The others emotional tides…

 

Tides turn and now ours has come

To be together and to be in love

To cherish the feelings we have

To hold each others hearts

To smile, to acknowledge all that has past…

 

Past but not gone and look at each other

And smile that knowing smile

Of openness, of togetherness

Of the future, of cocoa

Of rugs upon our knees!

Living in hope

Chasing too hard, or not chasing enough

The chase is a game or so I am told

 A game with rules and secrets

That never really unfolds

 

I try hard and then not trying enough

Worried I will push away the girl of my dreams

Concerned then I will loose my way

My destiny is alone, it sometimes seems

 

But this woman I want and need advice

But I need to be me and for her to see

I can’t pretend to be what I am not

And if that is enough I will wait and be

 

 

Can I be me?

Can I be anything other than me?

Can I pretend to be someone different?

Can I catch a woman’s heart?

Can I do this with falsehoods and lies?

 

And if I did where would it lead

Will it lead to short pleasures?

Will it lead to pain down to line?

Will it lead to discontent for me or for thee?

 

I am who I am and that is who I want to be

I am still discovering who I am

I am and will always be me

I want to wear my colours on my sleeve.